What I Wish Someone Had Said to Me About Suicide
And What You Can Do If You’re Struggling—Or Someone You Love Is
There’s no easy way to start a conversation about suicide.
It makes people uncomfortable. It makes them quiet.
But silence is part of what keeps it going.
I lost my husband, Matt, to suicide. It shattered my life.
And even now—months later—I find myself wishing someone had said certain things to me.
Things that could’ve helped me breathe when the air disappeared.
Things that might help you if you’re in the dark, too.
What I Wish Someone Had Said to Me
“This isn’t your fault.”
You can love someone fiercely and still not be able to keep them here. Their pain is not your failure.
“Suicide isn’t always about wanting to die.”
Sometimes it’s about not knowing how to keep living with the pain. And people don’t always show how deep that pain is until it’s too late.
“You’re allowed to be angry.”
Grief is messy. You don’t have to sanitize it. Anger, guilt, numbness—they’re all part of this.
“There will be a before and after.”
Your life will change. You will change. But you don’t have to do it all at once. Breathing is enough for today.\
“There are more of us than you know.”
You are not the only one carrying this weight, even if it feels like it. And you don’t have to carry it alone.
If You’re Struggling with Thoughts of Suicide
Please hear this: You are not a burden. You are not broken. You are not beyond help.
I know it’s hard. I know it can feel unbearable. But you don’t have to go through this alone.
Here are a few places to turn when it feels like there’s nowhere to go:
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline — Call or text 988 anytime
Crisis Text Line — Text HOME to 741741
The Trevor Project — For LGBTQ+ youth: Call 1-866-488-7386 or text START to 678678
Emergency Room — If you’re in immediate danger, go. Or call someone to go with you.
You don’t have to have hope to ask for help. You just have to hold on a little longer.
If Someone You Love Is Struggling
If you think someone you love might be suicidal, say something. Even if it’s awkward. Even if you’re scared.
Ask directly:
“Are you thinking about ending your life?”
You’re not putting the idea in their head. You’re opening a door.
Other things that can help:
Listen more than you talk.
Stay with them or help them find someone who can.
Offer to go with them to get help.
Set aside judgment. You don’t need to fix it—just don’t disappear.
And if they don’t want help, or push you away?
That’s heartbreaking. But it’s not your job to save them alone. Get support for yourself too.
If You’ve Lost Someone to Suicide
There is no “right” way to grieve this kind of loss.
You might feel devastated, confused, betrayed, or completely numb.
You may obsess over what you missed. What you should’ve seen. What you could’ve said.
I’ve been there. I am there.
Here’s what I want you to know:
You are not alone.
Your feelings aren’t too much.
You’re allowed to talk about it, scream about it, cry about it, or not.
You are not responsible for their choice.
If the support groups or resources haven’t been what you needed—you’re not crazy. A lot of them aren’t trauma-informed, or personal, or built for the raw early months. It’s okay to need more.
Resources
(Even If They’re Not Perfect)
These are starting places. They may not be everything—but they are something.
Alliance of Hope — Online support for suicide loss survivors
Dougy Center — Grief resources for kids, teens, and families
“No Time to Say Goodbye” by Carla Fine — Book for suicide loss
“The Deepest Well” by Nadine Burke Harris — Understanding trauma, especially as a parent
If you’re local to Southern Utah and feel like you have no idea where to go, message me. I can’t offer therapy or magic, but I can listen. I can connect you with someone who gets it.
Why I’m Talking About This
Because too many people are dying.
Because too many families are grieving in silence.
Because adults who die by suicide are barely mentioned—but their families are wrecked, just the same.
Because I believe we can create spaces where people feel safe saying, “I’m not okay.”
If you’re still reading this, thank you. It means you’re still here. And that matters more than you know.
KerryAnn Humphrey,
Occupational Therapist. Widow. Still Breathing.